{"id":402,"date":"2011-03-11T22:45:48","date_gmt":"2011-03-12T03:45:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/?p=402"},"modified":"2024-09-24T16:11:21","modified_gmt":"2024-09-24T21:11:21","slug":"dont-get-mad-get","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/dont-get-mad-get\/","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t get mad, get&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"402\" class=\"elementor elementor-402\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-62cd7a1 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"62cd7a1\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-f4a3f29\" data-id=\"f4a3f29\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-44653ba elementor-widget elementor-widget-template\" data-id=\"44653ba\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"template.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-template\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"section\" data-elementor-id=\"12411\" class=\"elementor elementor-12411\" data-elementor-post-type=\"elementor_library\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1255d61 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-content-middle elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1255d61\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-66 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6264de3\" data-id=\"6264de3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-61125fc elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-title elementor-page-title elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"61125fc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-title.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h1 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Don&#8217;t get mad, get&#8230;<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2c1117e elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-post-info\" data-id=\"2c1117e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"post-info.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"elementor-inline-items elementor-icon-list-items elementor-post-info\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-fcfa45b elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"author\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/author\/lbwebmaster\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-far-user-circle\" viewBox=\"0 0 496 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M248 104c-53 0-96 43-96 96s43 96 96 96 96-43 96-96-43-96-96-96zm0 144c-26.5 0-48-21.5-48-48s21.5-48 48-48 48 21.5 48 48-21.5 48-48 48zm0-240C111 8 0 119 0 256s111 248 248 248 248-111 248-248S385 8 248 8zm0 448c-49.7 0-95.1-18.3-130.1-48.4 14.9-23 40.4-38.6 69.6-39.5 20.8 6.4 40.6 9.6 60.5 9.6s39.7-3.1 60.5-9.6c29.2 1 54.7 16.5 69.6 39.5-35 30.1-80.4 48.4-130.1 48.4zm162.7-84.1c-24.4-31.4-62.1-51.9-105.1-51.9-10.2 0-26 9.6-57.6 9.6-31.5 0-47.4-9.6-57.6-9.6-42.9 0-80.6 20.5-105.1 51.9C61.9 339.2 48 299.2 48 256c0-110.3 89.7-200 200-200s200 89.7 200 200c0 43.2-13.9 83.2-37.3 115.9z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-author\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tTom Lemanski\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-64a3176 elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"datePublished\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/2011\/03\/11\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-fas-calendar\" viewBox=\"0 0 448 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M12 192h424c6.6 0 12 5.4 12 12v260c0 26.5-21.5 48-48 48H48c-26.5 0-48-21.5-48-48V204c0-6.6 5.4-12 12-12zm436-44v-36c0-26.5-21.5-48-48-48h-48V12c0-6.6-5.4-12-12-12h-40c-6.6 0-12 5.4-12 12v52H160V12c0-6.6-5.4-12-12-12h-40c-6.6 0-12 5.4-12 12v52H48C21.5 64 0 85.5 0 112v36c0 6.6 5.4 12 12 12h424c6.6 0 12-5.4 12-12z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-date\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<time>March 11, 2011<\/time>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-9c8288a elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"commentCount\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/dont-get-mad-get\/#comments\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-far-comment-dots\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M144 208c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zm112 0c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zm112 0c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zM256 32C114.6 32 0 125.1 0 240c0 47.6 19.9 91.2 52.9 126.3C38 405.7 7 439.1 6.5 439.5c-6.6 7-8.4 17.2-4.6 26S14.4 480 24 480c61.5 0 110-25.7 139.1-46.3C192 442.8 223.2 448 256 448c141.4 0 256-93.1 256-208S397.4 32 256 32zm0 368c-26.7 0-53.1-4.1-78.4-12.1l-22.7-7.2-19.5 13.8c-14.3 10.1-33.9 21.4-57.5 29 7.3-12.1 14.4-25.7 19.9-40.2l10.6-28.1-20.6-21.8C69.7 314.1 48 282.2 48 240c0-88.2 93.3-160 208-160s208 71.8 208 160-93.3 160-208 160z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-comments\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tOne Comment\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17d19d elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"a17d19d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div style=\"text-align:center;\u201d>\r\n<span class=\"bsf-rt-reading-time\"><span class=\"bsf-rt-display-label\" prefix=\"Reading Time\">\n\t\t<\/span> <span class=\"bsf-rt-display-time\" reading_time=\"2\"><\/span> \n\t\t<span class=\"bsf-rt-display-postfix\" postfix=\"mins\"><\/span><\/span>\r\n<\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-33 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-70a0327\" data-id=\"70a0327\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-228f411 elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-featured-image elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"228f411\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-featured-image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/elementor\/thumbs\/Enraged350-qon9i7qzc88qb2xg1hyc1e5ilw41ja1w9rnfuxeiv4.png\" title=\"Enraged350\" alt=\"Getting Mad\" loading=\"lazy\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6fd96501 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6fd96501\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-37662acc\" data-id=\"37662acc\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3299ba80 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3299ba80\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2>The Pursuit of Getting Even<\/h2><p><a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/vindictive.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-486\" title=\"vindictive\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/vindictive.jpg\" alt=\"vindictive\" width=\"140\" height=\"196\" \/><\/a>Here in the state of Illinois, we&#8217;ve just done away with the death penalty.\u00a0 So we&#8217;re trying to let go of the eye-for-an-eye approach to justice and the often insatiable desire to get even.\u00a0 It is a potentially liberating new mindset for those who can embrace it.\u00a0 In world history, we have centuries of conflict in the Middle East and bitterness in Northern Ireland.\u00a0 In the US, we have the Hatfields and McCoys.\u00a0 These are all classic cases of bitter, destructive feuds.\u00a0 The Italians call them vendettas.\u00a0 The haters&#8217; mindset is supported by the axiom: <strong><em>Don&#8217;t Get Mad, Get Even<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 How often do you see this approach in relationships with friends, family and business?\u00a0 Or tune in to a reality TV show.\u00a0 There&#8217;s nearly always someone trying to get even.\u00a0 Will we ever learn?<\/p><p>Have we not learned from centuries of world and local history that bitterness and destruction lead to more bitterness and destruction?\u00a0 Today in both marriage and business vendettas: <em>to the litigators go the spoils<\/em>. Other than attorneys, there are rarely any other <em>victors<\/em>.<\/p><h2>Stopping the Insanity<\/h2><p>I know that I&#8217;m not alone when I admit to growing up with <em><strong>&#8220;getting even&#8221;<\/strong><\/em> among my family&#8217;s values.\u00a0 So I know these attitudes are very difficult to change.\u00a0\u00a0 I therefore suggest that you think about your bitter adversaries and consider:\u00a0 Is any dispute worthy of perpetuating an ongoing and perhaps endless lose-lose scenario? Leave the other person out of the picture and ask:\u00a0 Is this really worth it for me? Is it ever worth it?\u00a0 Isn&#8217;t the need to <strong><em>get even<\/em><\/strong> both self-limiting and self destructive?\u00a0 What if you could replace the &#8220;<em><strong>Don&#8217;t get mad, get even<\/strong><\/em>&#8221; approach and embrace a new mantra:<\/p><h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">&#8220;<strong><em>Don&#8217;t get mad, get over it<\/em><\/strong>&#8220;<\/h4><h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Liberation Is At Hand<\/h2><p style=\"text-align: left;\">If you could <strong><em>get over it<\/em><\/strong> and avoid becoming encumbered by vindictiveness, how much more might you achieve in the final accounting? Might you improve your mental health? <em>Turning the other cheek<\/em> is a true indication of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Emotional_intelligence\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">emotional intelligence<\/a>. To help you with the next time you&#8217;re inclined to invest\u00a0your scarce resources on a vindictive pursuit, I offer 60&#8217;s songster Edwin Star&#8217;s musical question:\u00a0 <strong><em>&#8220;What is it good for?<\/em><\/strong>&#8221; Might you discover it really is <em>&#8220;<strong>absolutely nothin<\/strong>&#8216;?&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b289e06 elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"b289e06\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/youtu.be\\\/01-2pNCZiNk?si=1kgQv75RDuoK7O6P&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1256edb elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1256edb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>After all the highest form of revenge is living well.<\/p><p>And, In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:<\/p><blockquote><p><strong>&#8220;For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here in the state of Illinois, we&#8217;ve just done away with the death penalty.  So we&#8217;re trying to let go of the eye-for-an-eye punitive system and the often insatiable desire to GET EVEN.  Might we find a higher ground and more productive and mature mindset in the process?  Considering both the tangible and intangible resources expended with vindictive thinking, what is the real cost of wanting to get even?  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7677,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpscppro_dont_share_socialmedia":false,"_wpscppro_custom_social_share_image":0,"_facebook_share_type":"","_twitter_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type":"","_pinterest_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type_page":"","_instagram_share_type":"","_medium_share_type":"","_threads_share_type":"","_google_business_share_type":"","_selected_social_profile":[],"_wpsp_enable_custom_social_template":false,"_wpsp_social_scheduling":{"enabled":false,"datetime":null,"platforms":[],"status":"template_only","dateOption":"today","timeOption":"now","customDays":"","customHours":"","customDate":"","customTime":"","schedulingType":"absolute"},"_wpsp_active_default_template":true},"categories":[61,22,23,58,57,62],"tags":[60,288,39,59,70],"class_list":["post-402","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intelligence","category-abundance-vs-scarcity","category-attitude-development","category-conflict-management","category-interpersonal-skills","category-self-limiting-beliefs","tag-destructive-behavior","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-linkedin","tag-vendetta-mindset","tag-vindictive-behavior"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/Enraged350.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1I2Yr-6u","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/402","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=402"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/402\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=402"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=402"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=402"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}