{"id":6409,"date":"2017-02-03T06:13:27","date_gmt":"2017-02-03T12:13:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/?p=6409"},"modified":"2023-05-11T19:29:37","modified_gmt":"2023-05-12T00:29:37","slug":"asking-for-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/asking-for-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Don&#8217;t We Ask for Help?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"6409\" class=\"elementor elementor-6409\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-87e8718 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"87e8718\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-d901d82\" data-id=\"d901d82\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-27b158d elementor-widget elementor-widget-template\" data-id=\"27b158d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"template.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-template\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"section\" data-elementor-id=\"12411\" class=\"elementor elementor-12411\" data-elementor-post-type=\"elementor_library\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1255d61 elementor-section-full_width elementor-section-content-middle elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1255d61\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-66 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6264de3\" data-id=\"6264de3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-61125fc elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-title elementor-page-title elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"61125fc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-title.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h1 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Why Don&#8217;t We Ask for Help?<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2c1117e elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-post-info\" data-id=\"2c1117e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"post-info.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"elementor-inline-items elementor-icon-list-items elementor-post-info\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-fcfa45b elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"author\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/author\/lbwebmaster\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-far-user-circle\" viewBox=\"0 0 496 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M248 104c-53 0-96 43-96 96s43 96 96 96 96-43 96-96-43-96-96-96zm0 144c-26.5 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href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/2017\/02\/03\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-fas-calendar\" viewBox=\"0 0 448 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M12 192h424c6.6 0 12 5.4 12 12v260c0 26.5-21.5 48-48 48H48c-26.5 0-48-21.5-48-48V204c0-6.6 5.4-12 12-12zm436-44v-36c0-26.5-21.5-48-48-48h-48V12c0-6.6-5.4-12-12-12h-40c-6.6 0-12 5.4-12 12v52H160V12c0-6.6-5.4-12-12-12h-40c-6.6 0-12 5.4-12 12v52H48C21.5 64 0 85.5 0 112v36c0 6.6 5.4 12 12 12h424c6.6 0 12-5.4 12-12z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-date\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<time>February 3, 2017<\/time>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-9c8288a elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"commentCount\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/asking-for-help\/#comments\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"e-font-icon-svg e-far-comment-dots\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M144 208c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zm112 0c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zm112 0c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32 32-14.3 32-32-14.3-32-32-32zM256 32C114.6 32 0 125.1 0 240c0 47.6 19.9 91.2 52.9 126.3C38 405.7 7 439.1 6.5 439.5c-6.6 7-8.4 17.2-4.6 26S14.4 480 24 480c61.5 0 110-25.7 139.1-46.3C192 442.8 223.2 448 256 448c141.4 0 256-93.1 256-208S397.4 32 256 32zm0 368c-26.7 0-53.1-4.1-78.4-12.1l-22.7-7.2-19.5 13.8c-14.3 10.1-33.9 21.4-57.5 29 7.3-12.1 14.4-25.7 19.9-40.2l10.6-28.1-20.6-21.8C69.7 314.1 48 282.2 48 240c0-88.2 93.3-160 208-160s208 71.8 208 160-93.3 160-208 160z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-comments\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t2 Comments\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17d19d elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"a17d19d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div style=\"text-align:center;\u201d>\r\n<span class=\"bsf-rt-reading-time\"><span class=\"bsf-rt-display-label\" prefix=\"Reading Time\">\n\t\t<\/span> <span class=\"bsf-rt-display-time\" reading_time=\"3\"><\/span> \n\t\t<span class=\"bsf-rt-display-postfix\" postfix=\"mins\"><\/span><\/span>\r\n<\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-33 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-70a0327\" data-id=\"70a0327\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-228f411 elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-featured-image elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"228f411\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-featured-image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/elementor\/thumbs\/drowning2-mso-qon9jodxyy8sd8szi4pfx0vbvgwlibuv506mqf8h6o.jpg\" title=\"drowning2-mso\" alt=\"Call for help\" loading=\"lazy\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-2ccaf21d elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"2ccaf21d\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-68521126\" data-id=\"68521126\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-12f255d5 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"12f255d5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-6411 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/drowning2-mso.jpg\" alt=\"Asking for help\" width=\"300\" height=\"255\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/drowning2-mso.jpg 300w, https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/drowning2-mso-150x128.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Your Times of Need<\/h2>\r\nHow many times have you found yourself in need of help from others in a difficult time and help didn&#8217;t show up? \u00a0When it doesn&#8217;t, how do you feel about all those who failed to respond in your behalf? \u00a0We can feel resentment, frustration and even contempt. \u00a0As you consider all of the resulting\u00a0overpowering emotions, ask yourself this:\r\n<h4>Did I <strong>ask<\/strong> for help?<\/h4>\r\nChances are, you neglected to proactively ask. Why?\r\n\r\nOften\u00a0we\u00a0<strong><em>assume <\/em><\/strong>(you&#8217;ve likely heard the acronym)<strong><em>.<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>We <em>assume\u00a0<\/em>that since\u00a0our friends, family or colleagues are aware of our need, they will promptly and dutifully respond\u00a0with their aid and support. \u00a0When they don&#8217;t respond, we believe <em><strong>they<\/strong><\/em> are at\u00a0fault for failing to live up to their <em>implied<\/em> responsibility to support you. The reality is that others have their own set of challenges that prevent them from noticing and responding to yours. <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Reciprocity_(social_psychology)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The law of reciprocity<\/a> has its limits.\r\n\r\nIf you habitually <em>assume<\/em> instead of <em>ask<\/em>, what does that do to your ability to get things done? \u00a0How much would you benefit from changing this\u00a0habit? \u00a0Let&#8217;s start by understanding that you&#8217;re\u00a0clinging to a self limiting belief. \u00a0Simply stated, that <em><strong>entitling<\/strong> <\/em>belief is:\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>&#8220;I shouldn&#8217;t have to ask.&#8221;<\/strong><\/h4>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">When you don&#8217;t believe you <em>have to ask<\/em>, you don&#8217;t and won&#8217;t. \u00a0Does this ask-reluctant\u00a0attitude stem from <strong>entitlement<\/strong>? \u00a0Or are there other motives or beliefs in play? \u00a0What really prevents us from asking for the help we need when we need it?<\/p>\r\n\r\n<h2>Top 5 Obstacles to Asking for Help<\/h2>\r\n<ol>\r\n \t<li>Desire to be <strong>self sufficient<\/strong> or be perceived that way<\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong><strong>Fear of vulnerability:\u00a0<\/strong><\/strong>The belief\u00a0that asking is a display\u00a0of <em>weakness<\/em><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Fear of Rejection<\/strong> or\u00a0<strong>Ego<\/strong><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Entitlement:<\/strong>\u00a0the belief that others will naturally respond\u00a0so asking is unnecessary.<\/li>\r\n \t<li>Fear of admitting loss of control<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nMaybe you have discovered other reasons. Whatever your reason, I recommend that you&#8230;\r\n<h2>Put Your Potential Helpers into 3 Categories<\/h2>\r\n<img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-1235\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/1231.jpg\" alt=\"1-2-3\" width=\"280\" height=\"211\" title=\"\">Most of us humans are inherently inclined to help others. It feels good! \u00a0We can divide our potential helpers into two categories:\r\n<ol>\r\n \t<li>Generally <strong>altruistic<\/strong> people and seek opportunities to help others unconditionally.<\/li>\r\n \t<li>Those who\u00a0<strong>need a good reason<\/strong> to engage.\u00a0Once they have one, they&#8217;re all in.<\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Selfish, egotistical narcissists<\/strong>.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nFor those in category #3, you&#8217;ve likely identified these folks already. For them, a<strong>\u00a0&#8220;<em>Don&#8217;t Ask, Don&#8217;t Tell&#8221;<\/em> <\/strong>approach will suffice.\r\n\r\nLet&#8217;s move on. \u00a0Can we assume that most people you know fall into categories 1 and 2? \u00a0Their help is either <strong><em>unconditional<\/em><\/strong> or <em>conditional<\/em>. In either case it&#8217;s potentially attainable. \u00a0To be safe, you should always share your reasons for your request to satisfy the needs of those in category 2. Eat some humble pie and ask. If you struggle to get started, try some form of these simple ice breaking openers: \u00a0Approach your helpers\u00a0with a humble mindset.\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">\u00a0&#8220;I wonder if you could help me.&#8221; \u00a0 or \u00a0 &#8220;I could really use your help.&#8221;<\/h4>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\nWatch what happens. You never get a pure &#8220;no&#8221;. \u00a0People in category #1 say &#8220;of course&#8221;. \u00a0Those in #2 typically want to know a little more. Remember, they need a reason to believe their efforts will not be wasted or go unappreciated.\u00a0 So be ready to\u00a0make your case <em>after<\/em> they acknowledge your humble\u00a0ask.\r\n<h3>Asking for Help is\u00a0About Seeking Win-Win Scenarios!<\/h3>\r\nMost normal, well adjusted humans are generally fulfilled by helping. How flattered do you feel when someone values your opinion enough to seek you out for your advise? When you fail to ask others for help, you <strong><em>deprive<\/em> <\/strong>them of the opportunity for fulfillment that enriches their lives. They\u00a0feel better about themselves. Why would\u00a0you want to deprive them?\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">\u00a0&#8220;But I Might Look Weak&#8221;<\/h4>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n<strong>Vulnerability is underrated.<\/strong> How long will you pretend that you&#8217;re invincible and infallible? \u00a0Who are you really fooling? \u00a0Isn&#8217;t your achievement worth some risk?\r\n<h4><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-4510\" src=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/thank_you-150x118.jpg\" alt=\"Thank You\" width=\"150\" height=\"118\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/thank_you-150x118.jpg 150w, https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/wp-content\/uploads\/thank_you.jpg 195w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/>One More Thing&#8230;<\/h4>\r\nDon&#8217;t forget the gratitude part. No matter the quality of\u00a0the assistance, say thank you. \u00a0When you&#8221;re ungrateful, you fall into category #3:\u00a0the selfish, egotistical narcissist. \u00a0And if you truly want to convey your gratitude, there&#8217;s nothing like a hand written note.\u00a0 Or when the situation dictates, consider a thoughtful, personalized gift.\r\n\r\nIf you needed that person&#8217;s help once, chances are you&#8217;ll need it again in the future.\u00a0 Your level of gratitude will influence the response.\r\n<h3>Related<\/h3>\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li><a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/naivety-is-underrated\/\">Humility and Naivety are Underrated<\/a><\/li>\r\n \t<li><a href=\"https:\/\/chicagoexecutivecoaching.com\/smartleadership\/tackling-tough-tasks\/\">Three Simple Steps To Tackling Tough Tasks<\/a><\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How many times have you found yourself in need of help from others in a difficult time and help didn&#8217;t show up? how diligent are you about asking for help?  Learn 5 paralyzing reasons that we neglect to request help in our times of need. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6411,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Why Don't We Ask for Help? 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