As an executive coach, I believe that leadership skills are never fully mastered. And as leaders, we never reach our full potential. The purpose of these edutainment articles is to help you pursue your potential as an effective leader.
Enjoy!
SMART Leadership is the “official’ blog site for Chicago Executive Coaching.
Everything that makes a relationship successful has one common element – effective communication. In order to grow your business, you must be able to develop relationships. Effective communication is the lynchpin that starts and holds all relationships together: both personal and professional.
Too often, we are only half listening to what people are saying. This is because we believe we know what the other person is going to say or because our mind is on something else.
Sometimes we think we understood, but don’t clarify to find out if, in fact, we did hear correctly.
Some other things that cause miscommunication are:
Ineffective listeningTo what degree have you developed your listening skills? Listening is considered one of the most important skills in business, yet it is rarely taught in schools.
Our minds are often in the past or future, depending on what we have done or need to do. Other times we are guessing or assuming what others are going to say. Some people are even afraid of what the other person might be saying and do not want to hear. Many times people only “listen” enough to respond.
Noises of all kinds get in our way. These distractions prevent us from hearing. They can be other people, telephones, radios, TVs, and more. Many noises don’t make a sound. They are based on how we are feeling, our bias, knowledge, skill, and background to name a few.
Also, when it comes to defining words, the first is the standard dictionary definition. However, many words have multiple meanings, especially in the English language where slang is prevalent.
Your own experience, the society in which you were raised, whether English is your first language, any emotional issues associated with the word, and your level of education could all effect the definition of the word.
One of the biggest blocks is gate keeping. This is anything that your brain or unconscious self does not want to accept as true or relevant. We filter out most of what we are exposed to in the course of a day. If we were to see and notice everything at once, we would go crazy. So our brain’s RAS (Reticular Activating System), says, “Is this important or a danger?” If the answer is no, it filters it away.
The problem is we don’t realize what we are stopping at the gate. And with whom you are communicating also has their own gate keeping system.
One must also be aware of their audience, the person with whom you are trying to communicate. If you are attending a formal function and you are dressed in a relaxed manner such as jeans and a t-shirt, the other attendees will be spending more time thinking about how you are dressed rather than really listening to what you are saying. The same applies in reverse. If you are very overdressed for an occasion, others may feel threatened or potentially even fear you. Remember, your clothes communicate a message.
It is important to clarify that all parties involved have understood what was meant. Repeat this process until you know everyone understands.
Too often disasters happen because of miscommunication. It is up to you to do something about it. Remember, it can be as simple as asking a person to clarify.
There are many ways to improve the way you communicate. For example, you will always start things off on the right foot by opening the conversation in a way that creates mutual respect. Using phrases such as, “If you have a minute, I’d like to talk with you about something that I think will improve the way we work together,” helps set your conversation partner at ease. It tells him or her that you have positive intentions.
It is also important to know your purpose for the conversation. Some purposes are more useful than others. A useful purpose is one you have power over. For instance, you can control your own reaction; you can share your view; learn about your partner’s view; work toward a sustainable solution.
On the other hand, examples of purposes that are NOT useful are: trying to change the other person; attempting to control their reaction; or going in with a hidden agenda.
Of the many ways to improve your conversation skills, one of the best is to be interested. Curiosity is one of the most useful tools in the communication toolbox. When you enter the conversation with “beginner’s mind,” you will necessarily adopt the attitude of a learner. You will not have to pretend to ask honest, open questions. They will come naturally. As you listen, you can reflect on what is being said (and not said). You will gain information and ease tension. If you can’t think of a question, you can always acknowledge what you’ve heard, or you can say: “I see, tell me more about that.”
One of the reasons we’re not curious more often is that we mentally equate curiosity with agreement. We think that if we don’t disagree immediately, our conversation partner will assume we’re okay with whatever he or she is saying. This is not useful thinking. It prevents you from seeing the whole picture and from learning where your partner is coming from.
The next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation, give yourself and your partner a gift by asking questions – questions to which you do not know the answer. Watch what happens. You will learn a lot, and you will feel more powerful, not less. Remember, listening does not equal agreement. It means you are a skilled and active learner, a good partner, and a conscious communicator. Live, learn, and enjoy the moment.
For a manager, what’s the one thing worse than an incompetent subordinate? The answer to this old corporate axiom and riddle surprised and amused me so much that it inspired this briefing. The answer…
The only thing worse than an incompetent subordinate is a hard working, incompetent subordinate.
Here are two more axioms to help explain it.
The hard working incompetent doesn’t know when to stop digging. He/she gets deeper and deeper into trouble and the damage takes longer for you to un-do if it can be repaired at all.
All too often our admiration for raw effort blinds us to the fact that little is being achieved. In organizations where measurable accountability wanes, one of the few criteria we have for evaluating performance is effort. Bob works so hard, how can we criticize him? The Puritan Ethic can lead us to confuse activity with achievement.
Do you have any hard working incompetents that are hindering your potential for achievement?
According to a Career Builder Survey on Workplace Swearing…
If your language is putting your promotion in jeopardy, why would you do it? What would it take for you to stop?
Whether we want to admit it or not, we’ve all been influenced by childhood events. Remember as a child when you first experienced older kids swearing on the school playground? On some level, these early role models exhibited courage and reckless abandon that you admired. For better or worse, they helped enhance your vocabulary. Was there ever a time when you showed off these new, more colorful vocabulary skills within earshot of your parents? If your parents were from the Old School, you likely earned yourself a mouth washing. From that point on, you were really careful about your language lapses in front of your parents. But swearing still offered you a chance to exhibit renegade behavior that belied your age. That same juvenile satisfaction is likely still driving your adult language lapses. And the survey shows how it your language can hinder both your career goals and your ability to lead others.
Since you’re not on the playground any more, it’s no longer cool to use profanity. Are you finally grown up enough to stop trying to appear grown up? Your current classmates (professional colleagues) are less than impressed.
There’s another traditional remedy for curbing profanity. The swear jar. The swear jar provides a way to immediately recognize (and fine) your bad habits and helps to raise your awareness of the frequency and severity of your problem. To enhance YOUR awareness, ask yourself:
Your Bonus
What if you imagined part of your next raise or bonus sprouting wings and flying away forever – each time you utter an off-color word or phrase?
Whether you actually get yourself an actual swear jar or use a virtual one. I challenge you to keep score of your swears. You might be surprised at the damage you’re inflicting on your ability to lead.
John Wooden (a.k.a. The Wizard of Westwood) is arguably the most successful coach in the history of college basketball.
While having lunch with a friend, I learned that he once had the privilege of witnessing The Wizard at work at a routine practice session during the glory years at UCLA. He shared a story about the conclusion of the practice that I continue to pass on when helping others to understand and apply one of Coach Wooden’s success principals.
“Never mistake activity for achievement.”
Wooden’s final practice assignment for his players was a simple exercise in free throw shooting. Players were permitted to end their practice session after making ten successive free throws. On that particular day, UCLA’s All-America point guard, Henry Bibby was the first player to stroll off the court to the comfort of the locker room and a warm shower. He completed the assignment with perfect, ten for ten efficiency.
Successful basketball coaches know that free throw success frequently determines the outcome of a game. Many coaches routinely require their players to shoot 100 free throws at every practice. “Practice makes perfect.” Right?
Is this a more effective approach than Wooden’s? Would Henry Bibby have been a better player if he was required to shoot 100 free throws daily instead or just those ten? Which measurement is the more effective?
John Wooden’s wizardry in this example lies in his understanding of the difference between activity and achievement. While Wooden’s competitors focused on the activity of shooting, UCLA’s players focused on the desired result. When the desired result was achieved (consistent, repeatable success), the players were instantly rewarded. Coach Wooden’s record speaks for itself. His players established habits of excellence.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle
How can you apply this subtle, yet powerful wisdom to personal and organizational achievement throughout your organization?
In how many organizations do you see managers routinely working twelve hour days? Is their focus on taking one hundred shots or making ten? Is there an unwritten rule that no one leaves work before the boss? Do you have sales people shooting hundreds of shots at unqualified accounts? As you look at all of these examples, is your organizational focus on taking one hundred shots or making ten?
How have you valued activity over achievement? Could you become vulnerable to a superior competitor, like John Wooden? Are there Henry Bibbys in your organization whose star potential is being squandered by requirements for unfocused activity? At what cost? Do you reward those who take their 100 shots the same as those who efficiently go ten-for-ten?
John Wooden, passed away Los Angeles on June 4, 2010 at age 99. The John R. Wooden Award is college basketball’s most prestigious honor.
Wooden’s All-American protégé, Henry Bibby, has learned to apply the lessons learned from The Wizard. Bibby, served as head basketball coach at USC for eight seasons, is considered by many as the most successful coach in USC’s history. Henry’s son, Mike, played professional basketball for 14 years after a successful college career at Arizona.
Special thanks to Dan Dalberg for sharing his UCLA eyewitness account at lunch in 2003 and inspiring this article, which I’ve republished here ten year later.
Is there anyone who couldn’t benefit from improving their nonverbal communication skills? Since I see no raised hands, I’ll assume you’re with me here. So let’s…
Amy Cuddy is a Harvard Business School Professor and a social psychologist known for her research on stereotyping and discrimination, emotions, power, nonverbal behavior, and the effects of social stimuli on hormone levels. Her Ted Talks video is a must-view for you if you’re interested in improving the way you project yourself. And she shares another added benefit from something she calls power posing.
Professor Cuddy’s presentation will help you be more aware of your body language and improve your communication to others in stressful situations. But there’s more! Practicing body language awareness can lead to achievement breakthroughs by influencing your internal confidence and power.
Powerful Discovery: “The Power Pose”Here is the quote from the presentation slide:
Our bodies change our minds and our minds change our behavior. And, our behavior changes our outcomes.
If you can improve the way you project yourself with body language, improved outcomes will follow. She recommends the Power Pose (right) as a way to develop your internal power.
Amy Cuddy closes with two calls for action: Try Power Posing and Share. As you can tell, I’m working on both. How about you?
As a service to my readers, I’m always seeking the most meaningful content and sharing. In previous articles, I’ve shared other Ted Talks. Here are my favorites.
Honorable Mention: Ben Zander’s Talk featured in A Maestro’s Breakthrough Discovery
Problems, crises and challenges are really inconsiderate. They always show up without sufficient warning. They never make appointments and allow us to conveniently fit them into your busy schedule. They don’t knock on your door. They barge in and disrupt our routine. Let’s agree that this disruption is inevitable and unavoidable. Then, look closer at how you handle it.
When turmoil barges in, what happens to your emotional state of mind? Do you react? Respond? Or some combination of the two? How much do you adapt your style in the face of a major challenge?
In coaching executives, we typically utilize behavior assessments that determine and describe both their natural style and how much that can change in times of stress and fatigue. This insight can lead to enhanced self-awareness which, in turn, brings breakthrough results. In effect, we get detailed answers to three questions…
What is the value in learning these answers? It depends. Executives are like snowflakes. They appear similar until you look at their uniqueness. Here are two case studies where enhanced self awareness led to business breakthroughs.
I helped one client to discover that he is naturally cautious and compliant and comfortably lives by the rules. Conversely when the fur flies, he becomes much more driving and aggressive. He is more likely to throw caution to the wind. The result is that he operates with one foot on the gas and one foot on the break. It’s a bit maddening to those around him. With a heightened awareness for how this effects his ability to pursue and achieve his goals, changes are slowing starting to happen as he understands how and why he makes decisions in each mode.
With another company President, his assessment found him inherently trusting, empathetic and optimistic: much more so than most everyone else he will encounter. So what’s wrong with that? There is no right or wrong. We are who we are. The value comes from understanding how “who we are” is getting in the way. This executive’s “ah-ha moment” came when he realized that he habitually gives away the store in even the most routine negotiations. In his case it doesn’t matter if the heat is on or not. His behavior is consistent. We discovered his blind spot for recognizing flaws in both people and prospective deals. His heightened awareness of the consequences of this has inspired some significant positive change. He now looks to both delegate and consult with the more skeptical people around him. He is gradually developing a more skeptical approach himself. This doesn’t happen overnight. But, within a just few months, his heightened awareness has saved his business tens of thousands of dollars.
In helping successful people become even more successful we first help them to crystallize their goals and then address both their tangible and intangible obstacles to getting them. Those intangibles typically include the behaviors that supported past success will now trip them up in the future.
“What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”
- Marshall Goldsmith’s book title
“We have met the enemy and he is us.”
- Walt Kelly: From his comic strip: Pogo
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As you pursue your next level of success, how have you occasionally become an enemy to your cause? What might you gain by discovering your blind spots?
My other blog: Talent Tea Leaves