Here in the state of Illinois, we’ve just done away with the death penalty. So we’re trying to let go of the eye-for-an-eye approach to justice and the often insatiable desire to get even. It is a potentially liberating new mindset for those who can embrace it. In world history, we have centuries of conflict in the Middle East and bitterness in Northern Ireland. In the US, we have the Hatfields and McCoys. These are all classic cases of bitter, destructive feuds. The Italians call them vendettas. The haters’ mindset is supported by the axiom: Don’t Get Mad, Get Even. How often do you see this approach in relationships with friends, family and business? Or tune in to a reality TV show. There’s nearly always someone trying to get even. Will we ever learn?
Have we not learned from centuries of world and local history that bitterness and destruction lead to more bitterness and destruction? Today in both marriage and business vendettas: to the litigators go the spoils. Other than attorneys, there are rarely any other victors.
I know that I’m not alone when I admit to growing up with “getting even” among my family’s values. So I know these attitudes are very difficult to change. I therefore suggest that you think about your bitter adversaries and consider: Is any dispute worthy of perpetuating an ongoing and perhaps endless lose-lose scenario? Leave the other person out of the picture and ask: Is this really worth it for me? Is it ever worth it? Isn’t the need to get even both self-limiting and self destructive? What if you could replace the “Don’t get mad, get even” approach and embrace a new mantra:
If you could get over it and avoid becoming encumbered by vindictiveness, how much more might you achieve in the final accounting? Might you improve your mental health? Turning the other cheek is a true indication of emotional intelligence. To help you with the next time you’re inclined to invest your scarce resources on a vindictive pursuit, I offer 60’s songster Edwin Star’s musical question: “What is it good for?” Might you discover it really is “absolutely nothin‘?”
After all the highest form of revenge is living well.
And, In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
Tom Lemanski helps accomplished leaders unlock potential, solve complex challenges, and amplify their impact.
Effective leadership is the key to driving meaningful, lasting success in a fast-changing world.
Tom’s focus on innovative strategies and self-awareness creates transformative results for leaders striving for the next level.
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