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Handshakes, Hugs, Kisses and #MeToo Greeting Guidelines

Business Handshake

New Standards of Behavior

With the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, we’re living in a new age of intolerance for inappropriate interactions. The once lovable Dr. Huxtable (Bill Cosby) and the once all powerful Harvey Weinstein have major marks on their permanent records as they face potential imprisonment along with professional banishment. They are but two headliners with other new headlines about prominent offenders written regularly. Major media personalities are regularly losing their jobs and derailing their careers over their behavior mishaps.

Beyond The Casting Couch

I imagine that casting couches have been around for as long as there have been powerful movie producers and beautiful actresses. Now that time’s up.

Actions that once resulted in rolling eyes today result in rolling heads.

You may never have even considered casting couch behavior.  But that doesn’t make you immune from the consequences of non-verbal communication mishaps.  Even the best of intentions you face potential pitfalls with greeting mishaps

Casting Couch

This new level intolerance requires greater self-vigilance over our behavior as leaders.

I suggest that your self-vigilance begin with self awareness of your physical greetings. Missteps can be more consequential than you might think. In this less tolerant environment, seemly simple greetings will be scrutinized like never before.

A Harmless Hug Hello? Or A Greeting Mishap?

A simple greeting intended by you to be warm and friendly can have severe unintended consequences.  This was the case for a leader and Coaching Client eight years ago.  He was an indiscriminate huger whose hugging habit happened often enough to trigger several sexual harassment complaints with HR.

I met the offender as he was assigned to me. He shared his genuine enthusiasm for people and that his hallway hugs were just me being me. Being the powerful person that he was, he wasn’t too interested in adapting his behavior. Since he had no ill intent, how could it be wrong?  His breakthrough occurred after this series of discoveries.

  • Greetings are an important form of non-verbal communication.
  • Effective communication should serve a purpose for both the sender and receiver of the communication
  • Most of his hugs were off-purpose and defeated the purpose of his greetings.
  • The habit that once served him had become highly counterproductive

 

With the guidance of coaching, the Happy Huger successfully changed his unfiltered hugging habit in favor of more on-purpose greetings.  Who would of thought that coaching could be a remedy for sexual harassment?  In this somewhat unique case, it was.  In any case, it’s a lesson for all of us to consciously make our greetings more on-purpose.

Harmless Hug: What could possibly go wrong?

Harmless Kiss Hello? Or #MeToo Trap?

This Seinfeld snippet shows Jerry’s discomfort when faced with “becoming Richard Dawson”.

Weren’t we all a little uncomfortable watching Richard Dawson kissing contestants in Family Feud?

Business Handshake

More Greetings Gone Bad: Handshake Mishaps

While not as egregious or worthy of #MeToo status, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. We’ve all been either the victim or perpetrator of handshake mishaps.  The business handshake process seems so simple:

Hold out your hand > Join with the other person > Grip > Shake > Release

Seems simple enough, so I ask…

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Let’s count the ways.

  • You’re off target and misaligned when one person grabs only a hand full of fingers
  • The attempted soul shake – another form of misalignment
  • The attempted wrap around shake/hub combo
  • The omission: Failure to close the meeting with a farewell shake
  • The dead fish shake (no grip at all)
  • The Vice Grip/ Finger Breaker
  • The Endless Pump
  • The other person expected a hug and/or kiss?

Two Simple Suggestions for Safer Handshakes

  • Make a conscious to lead with The Goldilocks Approach: not too firm, not too limp.
  • Or when in doubt, try to match the other person’s grip level.


Allow me to repeat one of my favorite workplace truths…

Miscommunication is at the root of all dysfunction.”

Ignoring the nuances of non-verbal communication can be hazardous to your wealth. Go forth and greet with caution and purpose.  Start your own personal Time’s Up movement for on-purpose greetings.