No one can deny that verbal communication skills are vital for effective leadership. They are a are staple skill requirements for nearly every job posting and in turn, touted on resumes. Employers all demand them. Job seekers all claim to have them. Who are we kidding? There’s a skills gap between what’s really needed and what most people have. So, let’s explore one of the biggest sins of conversational communication: The interruption.
Let’s begin by understanding that the purpose of communication is to effect some sort of behavioral response. So, your discussions are supposed to be about influencing other people to act, think and/or feel. How do others feel about both you and your message when you’re guilty of this communication crime? Are you supporting or defeating your purpose?
So much for skillful, efficient, rapport building communication.
So the next time you’re locked, loaded and ready to shoot down a speaker to inject your “interesting”, important insight, just know that you’ll most likely shoot yourself in the foot.
I can think of a few. If we remember that our purpose is to effect some sort of behavioral response, there are some occasions when the desired response is to stop the flow of expression.
Some of our aforementioned exceptional talkers don’t know when to stop and may need your help. In that case, you might politely acknowledge that you “get it”. Or sometimes you never will “get it” and it’s just time to move on. You may need to put your time ahead of the speakers feelings. Just be aware of the potential damage and be tactful, even apologetic with your violation of their status.
Or, sometimes you have questions that are critical to understanding the other person’s point of view. In the case of asking for clarification, it is not disrespectful. It demonstrates that you’re interested. But use this interruption excuse with discretion. Misuse of this liberty could prove you’re just not listening.
Now that I’ve had my say, I’d be honored to learn your thoughts and comments. Since we’re writing, there’s no risk of my interruption. Yes, I occasionally must plead guilty. I admit that sometimes my eagerness to make a point gets the best of me. But, I am improving and striving to become one of those rare, exceptional listeners. While interruption abstinence may be a simple concept, old habits die hard. This is especially true if you embrace the tongue-in-cheek mindset of Mark Twain:
“There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.”
Tom Lemanski serves as an executive coach and trusted advisor to successful Chicago area executives who are driven to be more successful. Tom has developed leaders in over 60 different industries of the the past 20 years.
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“Power today comes from sharing information, not from withholding it.'” – Keith Ferrazzi
9 Responses
Are you saying I interrupt and should work on my listening skills?
Was it something you said? No. Based on other replies, we all have our opportunities to improve.
What a great thought. All sales people should learn how to use their mouth in proportion to their ears, 2 to 1.
Might the 80-20 rule apply for sales meetings?
Back in the day, I developed interrupting as a very bad habit when I worked with an office of men in the 80’s … and a woman had to be very aggressive to be heard. I found I only got to say anything if I started talking before they finished and cut off their final word or two. It has taken me a long time to get rid of this as a habit – and it still pops up once in a while.
But I’ve found that my ability to hear my clients is probably the more important than any other capability I bring to my work.
I see the interruption reflex as a by-product of our multi-tasking, ADHD society. We feel that we have only so much time for everything, including casual conversation. We think in bullet points and always have them ready to rip. In listening to others, we seem to think that the shortest of pauses is our opportunity to extend or embellish the exchange. I distinguish that from blatant interruption which shows complete indifference and ignorance. Good listeners may not listen to everything, but they at least have courtesy to let the speaker finish. Sharp communicators gauge the conversational flow and know when to pause to accommodate the tendencies of others.
Fair to say that for most of us when our train of thought is rolling, we don’t want to have it derailed.
Thank you for the reminder on basic manners and politeness first introduced to us by our mothers and first grade teachers.
This has caused me to stop and think about the consequences of my interrupting others – miss communication, poor understanding, hurt feelings, friction, resentment, etc, etc. Thanks for the wake up call.