Managing Your Bully Boss

Is There a Type-A Terrorist Ruling Your Work World?

You can rest assured, albeit not peacefully, that you’re not alone. Insensitive tyrants have a way of working their way to the top and leaving a wake of discontented staff. So, chances are you’ve either had one or someday you will experience a Bully Boss.

Bully Boss Scouting Report

Does this sound like some you know?

• Anger is the emotion they most frequently display
• They are highly results driven
• They lack empathy – They struggle to sense the feelings/emotions of others. In the rare instances they can, Bully Bosses aren’t inclined to act on them
• They crave control. As much as they want results they could throw the baby out with the bath water if you threaten their control.
• Can be petty and obsess over the most minute details

How Do They Get That Way?

Motivation by fear is very effective over the short-term. In sports, we’ve seen the success of icons like Bobby Knight and Mike Ditka. Tyrannical behavior does get results. What gets rewarded gets repeated. And if you’ve had a bully role model, that style is all too often imitated, despite its residual costs of poor morale, turnover and eventual mediocre performance. The skills needed to influence people in more positive ways take time be developed. And who has time for that when you’re constantly replacing defectors?

7 Ideas for Managing A Bully Boss

You need to put up a strong front. Consciously work to stay calm if/when a bully confronts you. But better to nod and say little or nothing than to quiver, sob or stutter in reaction to their taunts.

1. Carefully pick and choose your battles. There will be times when you need to stand strong and hold your ground. When you stand up to bullies, they WILL usually back down and will learn to choose their battles with YOU more selectively. In the words of Kenny Rogers, “you’ve got to know when to hold ’em and when to fold them“. Unless you can demonstrate that you are serving the bully’s agenda, it’s best to live to fight another day.
2. To build rapport, you empathize by simply saying “I understand” ( but no more) or if you don’t, be confident in asking for clarification. While you risk experiencing some impatience, you must be genuine in expressing your desire for clarity. And as long as it serves the bully’s purpose, you will defuse the situation.
3. Keep your responses short and concise. Don’t be rambling with these folks
4. Remember that your bully boss is competitive and wants to WIN. So he/she needs to see you as someone who help him get there. You might need to remind the bully if your tactics are questioned by asking a clarifying question like: “Just so I’m clear here, we want ____________ (insert the common goal), right?” The idea is get on the same page and serve their drive for results.
5. Never threaten their sense of being in control. While your bully boss craves results, that agenda may tabled if control is threatened.
6. Don’t be the regular recipient. Bullies frequently find their favorite whipping boys/girls and target them more frequently. These are weak people who will NEVER cross him out of fear for their jobs. Don’t be that person. If the bully senses that you fold easily, you’re in for more. Remember: what gets rewarded, gets repeated. Once bullies sense you will resist in the form of professional push-back, they will seek more receptive targets.
7. Challenge Softly, Yet Firmly: Should your bully boss make an idiotic comment, ask for clarification. Respond with: “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about that?” If it is truly idiotic, he/she will hang himself and all you did is ask an innocent, engaging, non-threatening question.

Embrace Your Value

Remember, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. Your boss hired you for a reason and needs your talent and abilities. You can not perform at your optimum level if you’re living in constant fear.

When All Else Fails…

Life is too short to spend your waking hours in torment and your sleeping hours restless. Find a way to exit on your own terms. While it may be tempting “strike back“, take the high road and resist acting on any vindictive feelings. Don’t Get Mad, Get Over It    >> more >>

Related Articles:

• Moving Bolts vs. Moving People
• My Way or the Highway
• When There’s No Why, There’s No Way
• Is Your Bad Boss Killing You